By Stephy Nobles Beans / Black Lens Contributor
I’m sorry for your loss. You can always have another child. Maybe it was meant to be. Those were the words that were spoken to me, and they hurt me deeply and my response was silence. Navigating life after losing a child is incredibly difficult. There was a shift in my journey from “mourning to morning” which is a metaphor for finding light and a new beginning after experiencing such a devastating loss. The loss of a child is a deep personal and yes, a painful one. Marked by profound grief, guilt, confusion, and at times, hopelessness.
I have found that there is no right way to move forward but here are some gentle suggestions for discovering moments of moving from mourning to morning.
Allow yourself to go through the grief: Realize that grief is not something to overcome but rather to experience. You must give yourself permission to feel “all” the emotions of sorrow, anger, confusion, and emptiness. I have found journaling to be a safe space where you can express your feelings. Write down your thoughts, and memories of your child, and even your pain can help in processing the grief.
Finding Support: Find a trusted friend, counselor, support group such as Shades of Motherhood, which has peer support, in-person and online. Their support groups meet with licensed counselors, such as Brittany Richards, a trusted partner who supports families in our network. Having a community to lean on during this time can help lighten the burden. Hearing others share their stories and knowing you’re not alone can create moments of connection.
Self-Compassion: After the loss of a child, it’s easy to spiral into guilt or blame. Practicing self-compassion, acknowledging that you are doing the best you can under impossible circumstances, is crucial to healing.
Creating Memorials and Remembrance: Some parents find solace in creating a memorial to honor their child can bring comfort. The joy of planting a tree, creating a scrapbook, even lighting a candle during significant times can be healing.
Affirmations for Healing: Incorporating Affirmations into your healing process can be very helpful. Here are a few: “Always on my mind. Forever in my heart.” “My love for my child will always be a part of me.”
Just know that it takes time and overtime some parents may find that reclaiming life is a slow process. It doesn’t mean “moving on.” It’s about integrating the loss into your life while still allowing yourself to experience love, laughter, connection, and the beauty of life, it can be bittersweet.
It’s okay to take your time and feel what you need to feel. The journey is yours, and the path from mourning to morning that will bring you glimmers of light to help you find your way through. We dedicate this piece to a special mother, Tyauana Roberson, and her son Zakariya. She is educating and bringing awareness to our community about how to advocate and heal after the loss of a child.
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